MTV Spring Break: Lessons I should have learned earlier

Hey remember all that "Don't watch MTV" stuff our parents told us when we were young? Well I remember my parents telling me specifically to not watch MTV Spring Break. Of course being the rebel girl that I am I watched it. However, they're argument for "don't watch MTV" was not very developed past "it's bad." Since MTV spring break was all about sex, my 11 year old brain went "Sex=bad" which isn't true. So this is the lesson I wish my parents would have taught me, but that I got to learn for myself this morning whilst watching MTV spring break 2010.

"Daughter,
I know that watching MTV might make you feel rebellious and cool. You even might feel a little more grown up and less naive, which is a noble goal. But it is important that you know that you are beautiful and intelligent, and these shows will tell you the exact opposite. These shows USE women and girls like you for kicks. They will tell you to be hot and sexy, and to let men grope you. You should never have to feel like that. In fact, people should be OBLIGATED to not treat you like that. You are allowed to feel and want to be hot and sexy, but it shouldn't be a show for others to consume. Let's watch a section of the show together. See that? Where they are making the girls compete over who looks best in a wet t-shirt? See how the men in the audience and hooting and hollering at her as if she is an animal in a circus they paid to watch? Do you think a big crowd of men would hoot and holler at Katie Couric or Oprah like that? Probably not. It is important to respect yourself and have loftier goals than making some guy happy at one point by exposing your flesh and blood self and not your heart and soul. You are more than boobs. I PROMISE. These shows break my heart for you Shelby. You are bigger than that and smarter than that. See how Eminem runs around and grabs the supermodels like he owns them? And they act like they are enjoying it? Please Shelby, if a man ever tries to do that to you, please run. They are not worth your time. I said "IF a man ever" but what I really meant is "when." This will happen to you when you get older and go dancing at nightclubs. Please say something to them instead of awkwardly dancing while giving the "eye signal" to one of your girlfriends and then having them make some lame excuse like 'come over here they are playing our song!' You see, boys have watched these things too, and they think it is ok because on these shows the girls ACT like it is OK. When this happens don't use an excuse. You don't have to be a bitch, but feel free to be the sassy girl you are and say something like "Hello. Would you like to know my name before you grind on me?"

In addition to that dear daughter, do you remember your favorite group "The Spice Girls" and how you liked that they stood for "girl power"? Well, Eminem has some lyrics like:

"My brain's dead weight, I'm trying to get my head straight
But I can't figure out which Spice Girl I want to impregnate"

As if he could impregnate ANY of the Spice Girls if he wanted to. Shelby, this is a bad, violent man. Sure he might be good at rapping, but that doesn't matter if he is rapping about things like this:

"I smacked him in his face with an eraser, chased him with a stapler
And stapled his nuts to a stack of papers (Owwwwwwww!)
Walked in the strip club, had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender, then stuck my dick in the tip cup"

You see Shelby.... not only are those lyrics violent and disgusting... you are hands down just smarter than that. And GOOD rap is about actually saying something. You should listen to Lauryn Hill if you want good rap.


You are beautiful and smart, and the reason I don't want you watching these shows is because they will tell you otherwise. And if they privilege you with telling you that you ARE beautiful, they tell you you should be beautiful for hooting and hollering men and to expose yourself. And if they privilege you with telling you that you ARE smart, they tell you to not care because being smart isn't what spring break is about. Spring Break tells you that it is OK for disgusting men like Eminem to touch you without your permission, and I don't want you to think that.

So Shelby, it's not that Spring Break has sexual content that it is bad, it is that it objectifies women. We love you, and you are more than an object."

(P.S. This is NOT a diss on my parents. My parents kick ass. They have taught me well, they just happened to miss this one, and no one is perfect. And they probably missed it because they were busy attending ALL my track meets, making ALL my lunches, and making sure I did well in school. My parents raised me well enough to where I could figure this stuff out on my own. Thank you Mom and Dad you are amazing.)