I am not my hair.

"I am not my hair" -By: Shelby Leanne

I have a relationship with my hair. It is contentious and ambivalent.

(AMBIVALENCE: Conflict of ideas or attitudes. The presence of two opposing ideas, attitudes or emotions at the same time.)

I grew up thinking my blonde hair was pretty. Then I learned that my blonde hair was a text that was commodified, sexualized, and objectified (Barbies, playboy bunnys, pop stars), and above all stereotyped. My hair is a site of misogyny. A simple google search of "blonde jokes" should demonstrate the hate speech I have endured for years. (DISCLAIMER: I am not trying to be "boo-who my privileged life is RUINED by being blonde!" But I do have to say that all the blonde jokes/stereotypes DID have a negative effect on me, and I think the jokes are very insidious and hurtful due to that fact)

 Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

"Geez Shelby! Can't you take a joke???"

I can take "jokes" ....when they are funny. Furthermore, I don't even really think these are jokes. I think it is misogynistic bullshit disguised as a joke, to make itself more insidious and less susceptible to being called out as misogynistic bullshit.

My hair makes me feel pretty and sexy, but it also makes me feel like everyone thinks I am an idiot. See what I mean about this contentious ambivalence business? "Blonde" I suppose is a part of my identity, but there have been times were I have wanted to dye my hair, or just cut it all off! People think that their words don't hurt, but they do. And its not just the jokes. Its the stereotype that is seen EVERYWHERE. Rarely are there blonde characters in movies and TV that are intelligent. These jokes are not just a diss to blondes, but to all women. There are some blonde jokes about guys, but most of them are about WOMEN and they are hateful. 

Women already feel as though they have to constantly be sexy and perfect. Now with all these stereotypes about blonde woman, it sends the message that "Blonde women REALLY need to be sexy and perfect, because that is all they are good at." Shit. I can't even be SMART while I am being over sexualized? Damn it.

TURBO SIGH. Some people might read this and say "Shelby, you are taking this too personal, too literal"

Ok. So yeah. I am. So what? My emotions aren't the problem. The fact that the stereotypes and jokes are hateful and wrong is the problem. I should not feel obliged to "not take things personally." People should be obliged to not be assholes. 

So then I read this article today, that says that blonde women are paid 7% more than other women. Ugh. It also said that blonde women have wealthier husbands. Double UGH. Then some woman from some weird "blonde" association said that  "Blondes have wealthier husbands because we are more fun and outgoing, and men are more attracted to us. We also do better in the workplace because when we make a mistake we can say, 'Oh, sorry about that, it's because I'm blonde' and get away with it."

STTTOOOOOPPPPPPPPP!!!! It is incredibly frustrating to me. If you couldn't tell. I hate this article so much. I was always suspicious when I got good grades.... curious..."Did I get an A because this is well written? Or did I get an A because I am decently cute, blonde, and generally friendly?" This article confirms my suspicions that I probably get things in life due to my privileged hair color. And while some people would LOVE that and take it any day, and it is hard for me to honestly say that I would 'give back' privilege... it is frustrating to never know if your work is really quality, or if people like you because you are "cute."

When a professor told me she thought I should go to graduate school, I literally cried in her office. I had good parents, and good friends, but for some odd reason, I never thought that I could be smart. Because I have nothing else really to point my self esteem issues at... I am going to assume that it probably has to do with that blonde stereotype, and also the stereotypes about women in general. 

So next time you feel like telling that "dumb blonde" joke, think about me. And other blonde women. Actually, just women in general. And don't be an asshole. Because your words are hateful and hurtful.

Love and Electricity,

Shelby Leanne