It happens ALL the time. To every girl. Every girl gets honked, whistled at, and generally harassed on the streets. So I decided one day to start hollering back. OPERATION: HOLLA BACK. But I have found myself utterly incapable of doing so, and it makes me really sad, and mad.
Situation 1: I am with a friend who is male, and someone from an apartment on the street above us is using a laser pointer and shining it on my car and in our faces. There is hollering and laughing, but there are multiple men on this porch, and I can't really hear exactly what is being said. I am afraid to come off as the "angry feminist" in front of my friend who is male, so I passively lament my concern to my friend, instead of hollering back, which is what I really wanted to do.
Situation 2: I am jogging in a neighborhood and I jog by a group of 3 middle aged men. As I jog by, I hear one of them say something along the lines of "Oh yeah, that is what I want" as he looks at me. I desire to say to him "Excuse me. My name is Shelby. I am a person. Do you have daughters? Do find your behavior appropriate?" but the reality of being "just a girl" who is jogging, out of breath, and alone in an isolated neighborhood, hits me. Out of fear of being outnumbered and overpowered I think to myself: "I better just keep running."
Situation 3: I am walking home from campus by myself. I live right down the street....a 5 minute walk at most. It is relatively well lit, and there are activities on campus, so there are a good number of people out. It is 11pm, so it is obviously dark outside, and I am by myself, but given the situation, I feel safe enough to walk home by myself. I am walking briskly, and then a SUV pulls a little bit closer to the sidewalk (although not slowing down) and someone breaks the silence of the night time by yelling VERY loudly in my face "DAAAAYYYUUUMMMM!!!!" I was walking with my head down, and the sudden loud noise contrasting with the quiet still night startled me sooo badly that my heart began to race. I desire to flip the car off, to shout back "You know that when girls are walking alone at night they are already scared, and screaming at them makes it 10 times worse and is considered street harassment!....I mean... you know that right????" But again...the reality of my situation... that I am "just a girl," walking by myself at night... and they have an SUV full of males (who could be drunk... it is saturday night on a college campus after all) strikes fear in to me once again, and I go on being silent (and silenced)....saying nothing.....AGAIN.
Being honked at, yelled at, and intimidated made me angry, but I started to think "well, there is something I can do about it....I'll just holler back" but the reality of the situation hits me like a ton of bricks every time. I often find myself too scared to "holler back" which makes me feel further incapable....further incapacitated, further disempowered, and more sad and angry than the time before. It is one thing to be sad and angry about being harassed and having to feel fear; but having a plan to speak up for yourself....and then realizing that you can't even do that because even the thought of acting on it produces MORE fear, and could put you in a WORSE situation....ugh. That just makes me REALLY sad and REALLY angry. SO. If you are a guy. Please stop doing this to women. Even if you are doing it to be funny, or even to try to "compliment" a girl.... its not funny and its not a compliment. I was having this discussion with a friend on a different internet forum, and I asked: "So, if we can't holler back...what do we do?" And I really liked her answer.
"Years ago I took a way out and started dressing punk/ butch and the harassment sharply decreased. But what about my femme friends? My trans friends? Me when I do get harassed?
I yell back too, but this makes some of my friends more afraid that I am provoking attack. It does feel that way to me too sometimes., like im yelling "yeah you wanna do it? then fucking do it punk!" Im yelling because silence just makes me feel helpless.
Not letting them intimidate us is the only thing I can think of. Take their jeers and laugh in their faces.Check on ladies who are walking alone. Teach self defense. Fight dirty. Ask guys to walk with us and tell them why we want it. But most of all I think we should do what you did with your post. Talk about this in public and call people out on their sexist bullshit.
love Hazel"
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